Negative COVID, again

Originally posted on LinkedIn.

The Good : COVID test result = NEGATIVE in all green caps.
The Bad : I’m still sick + internal feelings of being lazy

I still feel like crap (sore throat + restless sleeping), yet this NEGATIVE result triggered a feeling in me that I know is personally toxic. My internal messaging immediately said, “You escaped COVID, now you don’t have any excuses…push harder, be more productive!” My incredible friends Theresa and Eustacia would immediately call this my bad gremlin talking and I completely agree. We all have this, “you’re not dying, BE MORE PRODUCTIVE!!” gremlin lurking in our head. STFU gremlin dude (he’s definitely a dude).

No, this is not a time for me to push or be more productive. This is a time to let my body heal, let my mind, body, and spirit regenerate. This is a time to show my kids what it means to take care of myself AND allow others to take care of me. This is a time to show those that look at me for guidance that I am not invincible and that I am willing to slow down, pause, and take care of myself.

Take care of yourself, please.
We will need your amazing self later for joyous adventures.

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warning – random thoughts, journal style

LinkedIn was the original posting because it represents a bulk of my work life – my measured productive life. Work, trading time for money, is what we deem as “productive” in today’s culture. This reality leaves me constantly asking myself, “Was I the most productive with my time?” This internal battle doesn’t stop because of hardship, sickness, or loss. It actually seems to be magnified while I am in these low areas of life (and it doesn’t help when loved ones are holding the magnifying glass). If I desire to flow like water as Bruce Lee says, “productivity” feels like lava flowing against me.

How do I flow like water while taking on the flow of lava? Both are creative, natural elements in their own ways, yet when they interact, they slow and change. One will turn to stone and “stop progressing” and the other will evaporate away.

Hmmm, water evaporates, yet never really disappears. Water just changes form. It might not be visible, but it is still in its natural flow. Lava becomes land and supports more things to grow.

When sickness, like this non-COVID thing I am dealing with, comes in and shakes things up, how do I deal with it / flow with it when the world wants all of me, right now, at 100%?

Let the lava slow my flow and become the foundation that I build and share beautiful things from. While my flow, my water flow, can and WILL evaporate (it’s part of the water cycle), I know that it will return (because it’s a fucking cycle…that’s how cycles work Shai).

Be water.

Be lava.

Don’t cling to form or flow. All them to play, let them cycle. Resistance interrupts and expends unnecessary energy (ie. exhaustion, irritation, etc.). Resistance cannot destroy the essence of flow, just put pain and displeasure in your way of getting to it.