Positive Aggression

“You need to be more aggressive with your life.”

Phil Jackson in his book, 11 Rings

I need to be empathetically and compassionately aggressive in my life. My passive stance towards my life, my family, and the cultures I find myself in will return less favorable results than an aggressive stance. This positive aggression is not bad as long as my intent is progressive and beneficial to myself, my family, and my community. Another way to put it is that I need to be a loud and consistent activist for myself, for my family, for empathy and compassion within my circles. I’ve been empathetically and compassionately passive which has led me to a place of exhaustion, poor focus, and sadness. I’ve waited over-patiently, I’ve held my tongue, I’ve chased dead ends, and I’ve let myself, my family, and my community suffer. It is vulnerable for me to say this out loud, let alone post it for the world to read, yet I feel that I am not alone. My passivity has not returned the things that I’ve dreamed about.

I’ve talked about gremlins. I’ve talked about empathy and design thinking. I’ve talked about my voice. I’ve remained passive because I am afraid to mess up. I am afraid I won’t get second chances. The truth is, I cannot be successful in my mission to cultivate my life, my family, or more empathy and compassion in the world without pissing off many, losing contracts, or fail to get second chances. There are plenty of people and companies out there that need me…I need to go where I am needed and must build bridges to get there.

What does this mean in regards to next steps?

I’ve been here before, in conversation with Laura and in thoughts scribbled on this blog and in my journal. Grand thoughts that fizzle out as poorly planned actions which lead me back into this state of depressed emotional, mental, and spiritual wellbeing. It’s a cycle that I know quite well, watched my mom and grandparents go through these cycles which finally buried them. I tried to pull them out of the cycles, passively push them, kindly convince them to break with the stubborn reality only to result in more sickness, more sadness, more frustration and eventual death. I am watching my uncle do something similar and myself in the mirror round this well known path. It sucks, it really fucking sucks. I control only one human on this planet, me.

Be aggressive, B, E, AGGRESSIVE.

Cheerleaders everywhere.

Default to Action, not Patience

I’m well versed in patience. I remember hearing, “patience is a virtue, let’s get rich.” No more default patience. I’m still fucking staring at the marshmallow in the experiment. Go, NOW. Speak, NOW. Do, NOW. Love, NOW. If not now, forget it and move on. If it is supposed to happen, it will come back.

Fly as a Phoenix

It is my choice to rise from the ashes of my past decisions, failures, failed starts, and failed finishes. Leave that all behind and create a new. Since I am rising from the ashes on fire, I will burn myself and others as I transform into the being and state that best captures my true self. It will be vulnerable, truthful, brilliant, and compassionately aggressive.

Burn my Bridges

Fucking A Tony Robbins, I’ve heard you say this but have been too afraid to actually do this. Many bridges that I’ve created are only maintained by me. Other people and communities use my bridges often without helping me take care.of them. My job isn’t to slave away maintaining our bridge while you sit back and do nothing. Stop taking advantage of my kindness, my undiagnosed ADHD, and time. Bridges will be abandoned and burned down. New bridges will be erected with the upfront requirement that we care for this bridge, TOGETHER…or I’m leaving.

1, 3, 33

I suffer from to-do list cancer. It’s overrun my body, mind, and life so badly that I cannot move forward. It’s like a keychain with a million keys in it and I just need to open one fucking lock. Why am I carrying all of the keys to nothing. I just need a single key to open the one lock that is in front of me. If I don’t have the right key I need to get help, grab a hammer, or throw the lock away. Sitting and staring at the lock is a complete waste of my time.

• To do list max is 33
• One task at a time
• 3 tasks to do daily
• Break down tasks to actually doable things
• Any tasks over 33 are NOT put in the main list…they will be written on post it notes and places in the bathroom next to the toilet.
• When in the bathroom, no phone, review the potty Todo list

Ask for Help

As part of my Todo lists, determine what help I could get AND who could provide it. Nothing can be put on the list without the Ask for Help item. If it is solo Shelton it must take under a day to complete and move on.

Ask for work + financial support

I trade empathy building services for money. If that isn’t of interest to you, I will also take financial support to keep Empathy Lab open.

Focus, focus, focus

Better personal life. Better family life. Better EL community life. In that order. Ask yourself daily:

• What is it that I can do for myself today?
• What can I do for my family today?
• What can I do for the EL community today?

Cadence, communication, and unrelenting care on these three things is priority…in that order.

Build and celebrate simple routines

Daily, what must you do to be as successful as Shelton possible? Dedicate yourself to these things for 30 days. Make a list, check things off daily, don’t leave it to memory or a Google calendar. Wake up with a planz go to sleep when the plan is complete. No more fucking excuses.

You cannot afford any more excuses. No more excuse debt can be levied to you.