being disturbing vs being heard

A gremlin of mine = “Shelton, you are disturbing people!”

I’ve examined this gremlin for years (lifetime) and it is truly all in my head and nothing I should worry all that much about. I believe I understand where it comes from for me; lessons from my mom, my height, me being a man, and me being mixed race (black + white).

Lessons from my mom

My mom was a beautiful and quietly powerful woman. Being 4’11”, she was typically looked over (literally) and taken advantage of by men and some women (insert a son’s rage). Her stature and beauty made her a target. She had to protect both of us while at the same time pour wisdom and love into me. I realized after years of watching her that she didn’t chase others, it was dangerous, she let them warm up to her. She didn’t disturb others, she stuck to herself, again, a safety mechanism. She was an introvert, yes, but if you got to know her, if she let you into her life, she would focus and deeply care for you.

I learned not to be disruptive because it insured safety in the adults that raised me. It became a foundation to order, progress, and stability. It worked well – I am here! What I failed to learn is the difference between being disturbing and being heard. Many opportunities passed my mom and family by because they were unheard because they feared being disruptive. There is a big difference – and I desire to be heard by those that care about my message. If I happen to disturb a few people in the process, please mute me because I am not going away.

My soul isn’t expressed in a loud or self serving way.

My soul is expressed in a loving and compassionate way.

If you perceive me as quiet, then either you aren’t listening OR I haven’t let you in.

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