self-care

Self-care is hard for those, like me, that focus their energy and empathy outward towards others. Some call us “people pleasers” which feels like an insult. I like to think of myself as the glue holding many f-ing messes together. I’ve said to myself, “If I don’t do X, nobody will do it.” I am one of those people that can give, give, and give energy….while at the same time take, take, and take baggage until I break. Physical, emotional, mental and spiritual exhaustion combined with resentment is a recipe I’ve seen in my life time and time again. It’s made me sick in a multitude of ways. I am not proud of it and am actively in practice to set up personal boundaries, reinvest in myself, and realize that nobody asked me to be the glue holding things together. We’ve got to let experiences, businesses, and partnerships fall apart like sandcastles. Enjoy them for the temporary state they inhabit, cherish their memory, and move on. I am changing my narrative to, “If I don’t do this…that’s okay.” I can be glue, but only with those that want to stick with me! (HAHA…get it…see what I did there!)

There are a couple systems that hold me + us in this low self-care, high other’s care patterns like;

• Workplaces that are built on top of those willing to sacrifice self-care in pursuit of potential power, money, and success.
• Friendships, marriages, and partnerships that are built on one sided giving and low receiving, where success is measured in years, not collaborative growth.
• What am I missing?!?!

In my self-care, we-empathy practice I booked myself a beard trim and line up! Yay, me!! I felt guilty spending the time and money on myself despite being encouraged by my wife, kids, and good friends to do so. It’s really HARD for me to do these things for myself…but I am getting better. The self imposed guilt is decreasing.

Here’s to all of those “people pleasers” and gluey people. To all the care takers and “get sh!t” done-ers. Take many moments to care for yourself in small, medium, and big ways. Share them with me – I would LOVE to celebrate your self-care!

originally posted on Linkedin