44th Birthday marathon

(draft, written on my phone, in bed.)

On February 2nd, 2024, I turned 44 years old. I love the age I am and am quite excited about this year and this age. That being said, birthdays seem to feel less personal and more of a chore to show up for others as I get older which is a weird shift. None the less, I celebrate “born days” as my dad calls them in my own, weird and somewhat tortured way. This run was a gift.

I’m at a point in my life where I’ve had a lot of success, yet at the same time I feel like I am at a rather low point. Between losing 3/4 of my childhood family (mom, grandfather, and grandmother) over the past four years, moving houses 3 times, starting my own business, and getting emotionally and physically pummeled by COVID…it’s been a lot personally. The bright sides are so beautiful though, my two kids are incredible humans with their own passions and quirks. Laura’s doing an amazing job fulfilling her dreams and building an incredible financial planning practice after publishing her book. And then here’s me, shutting down most of the business I built since 2018 and wondering where my next paycheck might come from. I’ve got gigs and a few contracts, but not enough to sustain me for too long. I’ve dug myself out of holes before so I am not overly concerned, but this time I have much more weight on my shoulders to carry for others. I can do hard things, but i needed proof. Proof that I am able to muster the energy to do what seems impossible AND get help from others as I recover on the other side. So, for my birthday I decided to meditate in a way that makes the most sense to me, I went for a run.

I kissed the kids goodbye as they walked to school and then finished my breakfast of oatmeal and coffee. I’d been thinking about this run for quite some time and while I didn’t fear it, I knew that it was going to hurt. Unlike running the 400m in college and knowing what pain was coming, I knew something was going to jump on my back eventually and slowing try to break me. Ha, that’s like running your own business. As I finished eating I glanced at the temperature, 39 degrees. I put on some tights and a light hoodie, my running vest without water, and laces up my shoes. My watch was low on batteries so I decided to track my run on my phone. Off I went onto the chilly Serenbe trails at 930a.

With one lap done and about 7 miles behind me I returned home, changed into shorts, grabbed water and snacks, and headed back out. I continued this return home for water and snacks a few more times over the day. Eventually I ran through lunch time, ran past the kids when they got out of school at 3p, and started to watch the sun set. Shadows streaked longer across the and some evening birds started to chirp. At around 530p I finished up my last lap on my way home and completed just under 27 miles. While it wasn’t fast or pretty, it was my accomplishment alone. No big mile training, no coaching, no fancy gels or water stations. It was just me, pushing me.

At the end my brain was numb, my legs were wobbly, and every joint in my body was loose from running the trails. I knew that if I was going to survive the next day and beyond, I would need help so I cornered our local PT, Kate for some advice and scheduled an IV drip with the wonderful nurse Gigi. After my birthday meal and favorite dessert, tiramisu, I went miserably to bed after a second bath.

I slept horribly. While drinking chocolate oat milk and walking around the house slowly in my boxer briefs in the pitch black night, I thought I was going to melt away. Every cell in my body was cursed the miles I pounded them with. My mitochondria were mad at me. Finally after another bath and some.tart cherry juice I was able to slip into bed and slide off to sleep.

When morning came I was slow and feeling twice my age, maybe about 85. Even though it was only a week ago I cannot remember what I had to eat, but I remember being both excited and nervous about my upcoming IV drip appointment. Soon after breakfast Laura drove me the half a mile to my appointment and dropped me off. Gigi was there prepping the space with incense, music, and a giant bag of IV fluid.

I am a veiny guy so hooking me up was easy for Gigi. Vitamins and nutrients, hydration and wonderful conversation made the time fly by. Life stories, world views, life as a black person in our neighborhood, kids, families, burnout, and rebirth were all easily covered. Eventually I was untethered from my bag of life, paid my money and heartfelt dues, and slowly walked home with a smile on my face. No pep in my step yet, that happened later in the day.

We can and should do difficult and uncomfortable things with ourselves more often so that we are reminded about how incredible we can be. Given the nature of these endeavors, we exponentially increase our likelihood of success when we get help from others. Life is not meant to be lived alone or independently, it is meant to be lived boldly with others that support your courage.

Live courageously, with others.