Slim, skinny, or as my grandfather would say, “You’re looking boney.” He meant it in a loving way and would soon be slipping me food and cash for meals. He didn’t want me to be hungry. I’ve always been skinny, slim, and athletic.
Shady, the dark side that we know of, exist with, yet hide from others. It’s like a shadow, inseparable from our real self unless you are Peter Pan. I definitely have a shady side, a side that our culture tends to frown upon. It contains things like anger, judgement, impatience, sexual arousal, and deep sadness. Unlike Eminem, I give a fuck and care what others think…yet have failed to set boundaries to how many fucks to give and care to take.
How does one live in flow with being slim and having shade?
I cannot help my genetics, so slim is just something we are going to have to live with. If you want me to be skinnier or buffer, that’s your problem. I can hit up the gym if I want to add muscle to my long bones or meat to my chest. I can go to yoga to make myself limber and spiritually in-line. These are for me, your enjoyment of my personal work is a byproduct and not a goal. I will not please everyone with the way I look and quite frankly, I only need to please one….me.
Shady…well, like my slender ankles and broad boney shoulders, it’s part of me as well. It’s much less visible and tends to just bump around my brain chaotically. Shade powers part of my thinking and being, part of my personal drive and relational desire. I love sunflowers and enjoy watching the Chinese beetles gnaw on them. I love watching my kids play and sometimes they annoy the living shit out of me. Some days all I want to do is focus on work and other days all I want to do is focus on having wild sex. I get to take my shade to a metaphorical gym as well. Exercise my shade in ways that both flexes more of the real me and more importantly, set boundaries that help me continue to evolve as a whole human, not just as Slim Sunshine. Remember what happened to UniKitty in the Lego Movie when life couldn’t be pure happinesses?
She exploded. I don’t want to explode, implode, and run around screaming, “Fuck all y’all!!”
Eminem called it out in his lyrics and allowed each individual to make up their mind about him. He’s evil, he’s horrible, this record is great, he’s a joke, etc. He presented all of himself, the good and the bad, took heat for a lot and praise for some. His drive wasn’t for either, his goal is to be himself and share his gifts.
Don’t explode and don’t implode. Be your full self.
Note to self….I feel like I’ve written this before….in a different way. Maybe I’ve not convinced myself yet that I need to be myself…not a character in other people’s movies…
Hello, I am Shelton. 