father’s day is rough

father’s day is a complicated day for me,
because I used to buy three cards at save-on,
eventually i’d send three letters, emails, texts out to those that shaped who i am today as a father.
one to my father who i met later in childhood that showed me perseverance,
one to my late grandfather who taught me how to care,
and one to my late mom who was there for me through thick and thin, everyday, as an example in unwavering beauty.
i am grateful for my biological father and the friendship that we continue to cultivate,
i feel joy and sorrow for the loss of my grandfather and for the love he shared with me till the end,
i feel deep pain, infinite love, and incredible luck for getting as many years as i did with my mom.

there were many other men in my life that i experienced as fathers,
some of them have passed,
some of them will never know how much they influenced my life,
some names i’ve forgotten,
others i’ve reached out to.
i was raised by a community,
that didn’t know they were raising me.

today i celebrate with my own two children,
one spending his first night at space camp after a long drive across the south
the other over a piece of peach cake with an incredibly thoughtful card she made me.
she might be making one card, this year, for me,
hopefully i can fulfill many examples of what it means to be a father to her,
but i know, there are many other father figures in my kid’s lives that are influencing them.

for the good,
for the bad,
other father’s have influence.

please, father’s around me and my kids,
know that many kids are watching, observing, and absorbing you as you practice what it means to be a father.

we are celebrating your fatherhood!